I’m writing you from an unattended laptop. I’ve been left alone for a few minutes while my kidnappers go on a beer and soco run. With Houdini/Quagmire-like dexterity I’ve untied the ropes binding my hands and pulled off the blindfold and ballgag. I’m in a 10 by 10 foot room, no windows, cold concrete floor. Speakers pipe in audio of a college professor lecturing on queer and gender studies.
They’re trying to break me.
They keep telling me how they’re going to drag me kicking and screaming to this happy hour at 4Ps this Friday to finally face my accusers and meet my demise at the hands of my enemies (mostly jilted ex-lovers and gays who couldn’t convert me) unless I ‘fess up:
I tell them what I know… I swear she looked 18, and David Alexander is not my alter ego sock puppet.
They don’t buy it.
Two guys who call themselves INPY and Arjewtino threatened to shave off my salt and pepper sideburns. A third dude going by the name Virgle Kent locked midget strippers in the room with intent to inflict serious groinal harm. The two girls of the group, who have their aliases KassyK and Just Going With It written in sequins on the ass of their sweatpants, are a couple of the meanest broads I have ever come across. Their specialty is torture. One slams her stiletto heel down inches from my crotch while the other tries to crack my state control with flashes of side boob.
No mas… I relent. I’ll be there… incognito.
So if any of you want to give me a hard time…
…but can’t because you secretly love the dark place I take you, then stop by 4Ps in Cleveland Park and experience my psychosexual provocations first-hand in a haze of drunkenness.
PS: If you’re a chick, wear something cute.
PSS: If you’re a chick wearing something cute and you whisper “Can a blogger get a table dance?” in my ear I will reach into my bag of goodies and pull out a very special Christmas curtain rod for you.
*HH photo credit: Kathryn
“If you’re a girl wear something cute”?!? Wait what? You already know that someone will be wearing uggs, jean mini skirt, with some leggings. Then part of me will want to vomit in my mouth while the other part of me will be a little turned on and want to anger bang her. Choices choices
sequined pants — i like that idea.
ps. you should bring a bodyguard.
Some will come dressed like this
http://jezebel.com/gossip/snap-judgment/amy-winehouse-shirtless-crying–barefoot-in-london-329164.php
holy F’in krist, what the hell WAS that? amy, or ANDY? she looks like an anorexic tranny with bad fake tits and needle track tattoos.
thx for burning my retinas.
Hey what did you expect… she’s a crack ho…
Those might be the sorriest looking tits I’ve ever seen on a girl. The look like beefy meatballs that point in different directions. A commenter said it best, “you know you’ve reached rock bottom when you look like Old Dirty Bastard.
I’ll pay any of you guys 20 quid to smell Winehouse’s snatch. I dare you.
done.
Should I bring the tub of chicken wing grease?
For some reason I picture you as a Staten Island style guido, screaming “HEY THOSE ARE MY BOYS” at people and generally resembling Sonic the Hedgehog w your spiky hair. I hope I’m wrong (I’m 99% I’m wrong, but hey, a girl can have her uh.. creepy fantasy).
I think I read this blog before….but the writer’s name then was “Roosh”. Then I think there was another blog before that and the writer was named “Tucker Max”. Hooray for original thought.
“One slams her stiletto heel down inches from my crotch”
Why didnt she just step on it with the pointed end. its funny many girls are turned off by ur depiction of them, yet secretly want to… well fill it in ladies.
“I think I read this blog before….but the writer’s name then was “Roosh”. Then I think there was another blog before that and the writer was named “Tucker Max”. Hooray for original thought.”
How hard is it to avoid reading something you don’t agree with, or something you think is tired/unoriginal/boorish?
Is it really that hard? Just turn the dial. Click it off then.
It’s highly unfortunate this event is taking place so early.
I won’t be back to DC in time and then I’m going to Las Vegas for New Year’s.
ladies: http://www.glumbert.com/media/power
Fucking living in Texas.
You already know that someone will be wearing uggs, jean mini skirt, with some leggings.
In a bizzare way, it can be hot if you’re into suburban skanks…
I think I read this blog before….but the writer’s name then was “Roosh”. Then I think there was another blog before that and the writer was named “Tucker Max”. Hooray for original thought.
Hooray for Alt-F4.
Tucker Max’s stories are just stories, and Roosh is a JV faux-alpha. He took Salsa lessons for chrissakes.
I really feel bad for you. It must be tough to keep up a blog when you have no original material. Everything you write is a watered down version of the The Mystery Method, Tucker Max or Roosh’s blog. What are you gonna do when you run out of things to plagiarize?
West Side Story sucks, and it’s reprocessed Shakespeare. Can you imagine how bad it would suck if it was reprocessed stuff from a lesser writer? I’ll give you a hint. The website has the word “roissy” in the URL.
Your tales of an everyday alpha seem a little over the top to me. Who are you really trying to convince that you are a real man, your readers or yourself? Your misogyny is a way to cover up your insecurities. You claim to be an alpha, but you don’t really believe it. You are trying the “fake it till you make it” method.
Guess what Roissy? You’re not the pathetic high school kid who couldn’t get a date anymore. With a decent haircut and some normal clothes, once in a while a girl will show you her vagina. Congratulations. But you know what? You’re still a douchebag. Congratulations on that one too.
i dunno frenchy, this blog is funny. i come back to it in between my daily episodes of sex and the city, trips to tasti d’lite, and one night stands. then i blog about it. What other blog can make a woman simultaneously want to slit her wrists and take off her pink panties? without mr. big, there would be no carrie
have some respect
xoxo
<3 carrie
My theory is that Roissy is a woman. The bluster is just a little TOO over-the-top. Roissy is, in fact, a lesbian woman, who is trying to make men seem totally unappealing AND encourage douchey behavior among Washington’s men so that she can increase her personal dating pool by switching over the bi-curious chicks.
Generally speaking, I don’t read what gets on my nerves. So I dip in and out of this site, and only throw in a comment when one of the dopier disciples says something wildly misinformed.
My side boob is so good its bad.
kass, tell me about it. be careful with that thing, it’s a lethal weapon.
“Roosh is a JV faux-alpha. He took Salsa lessons for chrissakes.”
Bear grappling class was full.
amy winehouse\’s ass
This site is so freeking cool. Pceace !!